"Could you please get that pupil off the wall before it leaves a stain?"

For those who haven't heard my boyfriend and I recently lost our apartment complex to fire that started somewhere in the hall. It happened yesterday around midnight and displaced the 11 other families in the complex as well. We got out okay and we were able to get our cats as well. Most of our stuff is okay as we mostly just had water damage but we won't be able to move back in for at least a few months. We received some help from the Red Cross but finances are is still tight. I just wanted to let everyone know we are okay.

--*--Angelique

There'll be no swanky swag at the Oscars or Golden Globes, courtesy of altruistic Edward Norton. The awards have scrapped giving out gift bags -- which are usually worth up to $100K -- because the actor complained so much, and the IRS got wind of the extent of the freebies. Norton tells New York magazine: "Picking through $35,000 gift baskets is disgusting and shameful. My suggestion was to have the Academy commit to [charitable] contributions in the name of the winners."

Which Way To The Apocalypse?
When all the fanatical Christians disappear, will traffic finally improve?
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Friday, June 9, 2006


Wait, did I miss it?

Did it happen three days ago, on 6-6-06, a.k.a. Tea Time with the Beast, a.k.a. the Great Day of Reckoning, a.k.a. the National Day of Slayer, all the world crashing down in a heap of hissing steam and belching smoke and balmy gusty breezes sometime around noon just after lunch but not before rush hour and hitting right around siesta?

I might have been napping. Did the Apocalypse finally hit? Did the deep wish of roughly a half-billion zealous believers come to pass and were they suddenly whisked off into the humming glorious divine ether in one big orgiastic load of divine redemption, leaving us heathens and pagans and Wiccans and Jews and Muslims and Buddhists and journalists to fight it out over the last scraps of artisan Gruyere and fine Pinot Noir and gorgeous new Porsche Caymans? I simply cannot be sure.

Because if so, I am sitting here feeling a little cheated. I am sitting here not at all on fire, not at all reeling in unrelenting pain, not at all staring into the hot face of vile eternal doom without a single oscillating fan to cool my aching bones. Yet another portentous day has passed and the Rapture Index is almost off the charts with seething Armageddon certainty, and yet I'm still getting perfectly good cell reception. What gives?

After all, the time is now. The pump of doom is perfectly primed. The elements are all in place: massive BushCo abuse and vicious war and increasingly violent storms and armies of the ignorant and the righteous broadcasting their hate and their abominable fashion sense across the land. Do you not feel it? Man, we are so ready.

And yet still we wait.

I do not exactly know how the Christian right envisions Armageddon (though their new "Left Behind" video game is a happily blood-drenched indicator), but here is how I've always pictured it:

Hordes of the ultra-pious, decked out in "I (Heart) Jimmy Swaggart's Flop Sweat" T-shirts and black socks with sandals rise to the heavens in giant peach-colored Ford Aerostars to gather in enormous hugging throngs where they are met by a wary and bleary-eyed St. Peter who offers them processed cold cuts and Kraft Singles and lukewarm Diet Dr. Pepper.

There are rusty swing sets with exposed bolts. There are inflatable pools. There is watery decaf coffee. There are large fleets of beige 1997 Honda Civics with cassette players locked down and preloaded with only Mariah Carey and Yanni. Everyone is slowly but surely driven giddily insane by the incessant harp music and the unmistakable scent of angel droppings. All thought ceases.

Yes, Jesus is there, smiling and rocking back and forth and looking just weirdly happy, and the minions gather 'round him in swooning, narcotized glee, everyone feeling more than a little justified for all their nasty deeds while on Earth, all the abortion clinic firebombings and all the protests of "The Da Vinci Code" and that morally nauseating thing with Terry Schiavo back in '05.

Finally, finally they have arrived at a place where no one is having sex and no one wants to marry someone from their same gender and all experience has been filed down to a dull nub of vague, tasteless sensation as liquid Prozac is misted into the air via a giant Glade Plug-In the size of Florida.

Except something is a little off. Something is not quite right. Let us look closer. Why, that's not Jesus at all -- it's actually a big blow-up doll of Jesus, a giant swaying latex toy, a wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube man painted to look like Jesus, bobbing back and forth like a car salesman on meth. Hmm.

But the minions, of course, do not notice. They are all swaying and waving in equally ecstatic response. It is one hell of a spectacle. It is vaguely cultish. It is also, eerily, exactly like a Celine Dion concert. Hmm.

And where's the real Jesus? Why, the true Christ is back on Earth, once and for all, teaching everyone an incredible new dance, preparing the open minded and the nondogmatic for cosmic leapfrog. Turns out that only when the fanatics and the zealots and the demagogues were finally airlifted to the great padded Romper Room in the sky that the real Great Work could finally continue. Isn't that ironic? Isn't that fabulous? Isn't that exactly what you suspected all along?

What a fanciful dream. Indeed, you may think this talk of the Second Coming is just silly. You may think talk of Armageddon is just best left to plasticky televangelists and anti-everything fanatics like James Dobson and people who organize their gun collections by phallocentricity. And you would be very much mostly correct.

But be reminded: As reported here previously, the "Left Behind" series of Apocalypse-porn books has sold upward of 40 million copies worldwide. Many, many in high positions of power in the U.S. government (Hi, Senator Santorum!) see the accelerated deterioration of the Earth as a very good thing indeed, as there is no deed more worthy, no abuse more justified than that which helps hasten the Second Coming. SUVs? War? Oil gluttony? Ozone depletion? Condi Rice? All good, baby. All quickening the imminent Apocalypse.

Of course, there is a divine kicker. There is an entirely different scenario, similar but also completely different. Since ancient, pre-Christian times, the mystics and wise ones have their version of Armageddon, too, though theirs involves far less screaming and much less hellfire and far fewer interminable reruns of "7th Heaven" on local cable.

It does not, furthermore, involve leaving billions behind to fester and kill and drink pig's blood and remain wallowing in hell. It is merely a time when those whose hearts are luminous and whose perspectives are clear and whose minds are open and whose spirits are unpummeled by dogma and monotheistic self-righteousness, well, they will merely slip over to another plane. As for the rest, they will merely be resigned to experiencing this life all over again, and again, and again, until they get it right. It's just like the Christian Rapture, except flipped over and inverted and made transcendent and well lubricated and naked.

It is a time, maybe even just six years from now (2012, according to a very prescient Mayan calendar), when a Great Awakening will occur. It is when those who are ready, spiritually and energetically speaking, to evolve, to take the Next Step, will take a great trampoline back flip into deeper awareness.

You want a sign? You want something to signal you when it's about to happen? Easy enough. You can't miss it: Just look for the sudden, global, collective s -- -eating grin.



Mark Morford's column appears Wednesdays and Fridays in Datebook and on sfgate.com. E-mail him at mmorford@sfgate.com.

already accepted to 4 grad schools and my bubby gets here in...i dont know, a few days. Lookin at some more cars this week, hopefully sellin our old tv today. just gotta clean up a bit at home and ill be in heaven.

I wish my posted pictures were emo so they would [lj]cut themselves.

SECTION 1 - YOU

+ Known as: Angelique/Angie/Ang
+ Born: Oct 26 1982
+ Hair color: dark brown atm
+ Eye color: green


SECTION 2 - HAVE YOU EVER...

+ Fallen off the bed? not to my knowledge
+ Broken someone else's heart? i honestly hope not and i dont think i have
+ Had your heart broken? has anyone not??
+ Had a dream come true? yah


SECTION 3 - CURRENTLY...

+ Wearing: gray long-sleeve and jeans
+ Listening to: allentwon amublance sirens in the distance
+ Located: home on my couch
+ Chatting with: chris
+ Watching: myself type
+ Should REALLY be: prolly homework


SECTION 4 - DO YOU...

+ Do you brush your teeth? not as often as i should :(
+ Have any piercings? yah
+ Drive? nope
+ Drink? yup
+ Have a cell phone? oh hell no


SECTION 5 - THE LAST PERSON YOU...

+ Hugged: yuki my kitty
+ IMed: chris
+ Talked with on the phone: chris yet again
+ Kissed: jeffrey
+ Talked to: jeffrey


SECTION 7 - PERSONAL...

+ What do you want to be when you grow up? psychologist
+ What comes first in your life? muhself
+ What are you most scared of? most? not sure but i do have a fear of cats being thrown at me...i dont know why just please dont toss a cat in my lap
+ What do you think about before you go to bed? mwhahahahaha...uh.........sex, always
+ Did you lose someone you really loved? yeah
+ How many times have you FALLEN in love: actual love or lust, ive lusted much


SECTION 8 - FAVORITE...

+ Movie: no one fav
+ Band: see above
+ Store: thrift probably although i do like ac moore
+ Cousin: only got one so....
+ Sport: boxing to watch, volleyball to play
+ Food: something cheesy
+ Candy: skor
+ Day of the week: friday baby
+ color: pink and light blue


SECTION 9 - DO YOU...

+ Like to give hugs? meh
+ Like to walk in the rain? yah
+ Prefer black or blue? light blue
+ Sleep on your side, stomach or back? i prefer to sleep on someone but whatever
+ Have a goldfish? nope, had a catfish, hes at my mommies now, his name was kitty...welll...still is technically
+ Ever have the falling dream? yah
+ Have stuffed animals? the plute army


SECTION 11 - THIS OR THAT...

+ Pierced nose or tongue? wouldnt mind going fo rthe tongue but id feel silly
+ MTV or BET? a quick death
+ 7th heaven or dawsons creek? see above
+ Chocolate or flowers? chokit
+ Color or Black-and-white photos? depends on the subject
+ Stay up late or sleep in? do i have to pick?
+ Hot or Cld weather? cold
+ Sun or moon? moon
+ Left or Right? right
+ 10 Acquaintances or one best friend? tough choice
+ Mustard or ketchup? ketchup
+ Spring or Fall? fall
+ Happy or sad: happy...duh
+ Wonder or amazement? little bit o both
+ McDonald's or Burger King? both
+ Mexican or Italian food? italian


FIRSTS

First best friend: um...sheesh, shannon miller i think
First screen name: sharks539 @ aol
First self purchased CD: um maybe goldfinger
First pets: lucas and leah, kitties
First piercing/tattoo: ears/not atm


LASTS

Last car ride: gettin home
Last good cry: 2 nights ago
Last crush: i dont have crushes anymore i just come right out and say hey baby come in my house
Last phone call: chris
Last time showered: last night
Last shoes worn: beat-ass pink and white nikes
Last Song played: something tom petty
Last item bought: soup
Last annoyance: little bugs getting stuck on the easter eggs i was dyeing
Last website visited: here?
Last word/s you said: *checks* "lol" (online) - irl would be "night"
Last song you sang: breakdown by tom petty
What's under your bed?: nothing its a waterbed
What time did you wake up today?: 10:45
Current mood: neutral
Current food: lite juice
Current hair: ponytail
Current hate: um...george bush?


Appearance

[ ] I am shorter than 5'4. (i AM 5'4")
[X] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[X] I have more than two scars
[ ] I tan easily. (REPLACE TAN WIH BURN)
[X] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[X] I wear glasses/contacts
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[X] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[X] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have had piercings in places besides my ears.
[X] I have/had freckles.


Family/Home Life

[X] I've run away from home
[X] I've been kicked out of the house.
[X] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[X] I want to have kids.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.


School/Work

[X] I'm in school.
[X] I have a job.
[X] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[X] I almost always do my homework. (ALWAYS always)
[X] I've missed a week or more of school.
[X] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[ ] I've stolen something from my job
[ ] I've been fired.


Embarrassment

[X] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation. on purpose (DAILY)
[X] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[X] I've snorted while laughing.
[X] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[X] I've glued my hand to something
[X] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I've had my pants rip/drop in public.


Health

[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[ ] I've gotten stitches.
[ ] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[X] I've sat in a doctors office with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[X] I've had chicken pox.


Traveling

[ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[X] I've been on a plane.
[ ] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.


Experiences

[ ] I've gotten lost in my city.
[ ] I've seen a shooting star.
[ ] I've wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[X] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[X] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[X] I've kicked a guy where it hurts
[X] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[X] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been Skiing
[X] I've been in a play.
[X] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern Lights.
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[X] I've played a prank on someone.
[X] I've ridden in a taxi.
[X] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] I've eaten Sushi.
[X] I've been snowboarding. (FOR ABOUT 1.2 SECONDS)



Honesty/Crime
[ ] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[X] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[X] I've cheated while playing a game.
[X] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've been arrested.


Death and Suicide

[X] I'm afraid of dying.
[X] I hate funerals.
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[X] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.


Materialism

[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[X] I own iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own a real designer purse
[ ] I own an accesory other than a purse from a designer
[X] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ]I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[X] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] Majority of my closet is abercrombie/hollister


Random

[X] I can sing well.
[ ]I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[X] I open up easily to others.
[X] I watch the news.
[X] I don't kill bugs.
[X] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[X] I curse regularly.
[X] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[ ] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[X] I bake well.
[X] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue
[X] I would wear pajamas to school.
[X] I like Martha Stewart.
[X] I laugh at my own jokes.
[X] I eat fast food weekly.
[ ] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7 even with an away message.
[X] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class
[X] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[X] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I love white chocolate
[X] I bite my nails.
[X] I play video games.
[X] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names
[X] I'm good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life

740 - An earthquake strikes Constantinople, causing much damage and death.
1825 - The Erie Canal opens - passage from Albany, New York to Lake Erie
1881 - The Gunfight at the O.K. Corral takes place at Tombstone, Arizona.
1936 - The first electric generator at Hoover Dam went into full operation.
1944 - Future Vice-president, and later, President Harry Truman publicly denies ever having been a member of the Ku Klux Klan.
1948 - Killer smog settles into Donora, Pennsylvania.
1991 - Lori Keevil-Matthews is killed after a 485-pound umbrella slams her against a boulder in a Christo art installation.
1994 - Announcement of Andrew Wiles correct proof of Fermat's last theorem.
1997 - The left arms of Chen Ming-Kuo and Yang Chung-ming are amputated by the rope in a 1,500-person tug-of-war contest in Taipei; both arms are successfully reattached later on.
2000 - The successor to the highly successful PlayStation, the PlayStation 2 was released.
2001 - The United States passes the controversial USA Patriot Act into law.

Births
1916 - François Mitterrand, President of France (d. 1996)
1942 - Bob Hoskins, British actor
1946 - Pat Sajak, American game show host
1947 - Hillary Rodham Clinton, First Lady of the United States and Senator from New York
1962 - Cary Elwes, British actor
1963 - Natalie Merchant, American singer
1973 - Seth MacFarlane, American animator

Deaths
1902 - Elizabeth Cady Stanton, American feminist and suffragette (b. 1815)

Fiction
In the movie Back To The Future, all of the "present" events occur on this date in 1985.
In the movie Death Becomes Her, Helen first drinks the immortality potion on
October 26, 1985. Like Back To The Future, this movie was also directed by Robert Zemeckis.

its L O L i cot you, not lul...just a reminder

Mr. Purdon, hereon refered to as "The Shitter" did not lay claim to a shit presented in his presence. He said simply, when asked if he farted that "there are 4 mammals in this house." Yuki was approximately 10 ft from me at the time, Maris in another room. I refused to carry on a conversation of my sexual habits with The Shitter at this time because I can not have a conversation with someone who is shitting. He then shit again and continued to answer my questions with more question as to whom was the purveyor of the fart. After continuing to avoid my question I came here to tell the world that he likes to shit his pants and then move on to another topic such as the animals in our house. As I started to type this he stated that he shit three times as of now, once while watching me type. Now he's still bitching about how i didnt answer questions and balh blah blah. Bottom line: DO NOT DEBATE JEFFREY ROBERT PURDON, HE IS A SHITEM PANTS.

Not that the man is dead yet but IF he did happen to pass on I think he should be charged with manslaughter AT LEAST. MWAHAHAHAHA

yahoo reports the kid who attacked those people in the gay bar in mass. has (had) a myspace, wonder if anyone has found it and destroyed it yet, im sure thay have and id like to see

angel says:
i have to tell you a story about my grade z TV dinners
Roger Smith says:
lol
angel says:
they say on the front of the box (which costs a whole big dollar) "mostly white meat turkey"
Roger Smith says:
lol
angel says:
but they hide the one piece of dark as night turkey UNDER a piece of white meat turkey
angel says:
what the hell is the point of that?
angel says:
you, freezer queen, are insulting both of our intelligences
angel says:
did you think i wouldnt see it under there?
Roger Smith says:
I made the mistake of reading the ingredients of my luncheon sausage roll
angel says:
lol
Roger Smith says:
It's like
Roger Smith says:
Mutton, ham, beef, chicken
Roger Smith says:
Everything but the kitchen sink
angel says:
but why do they hide my meat? is the freezer queen 4 years old?
Roger Smith says:
But then it goes on to say (in tiny brackets)
Roger Smith says:
(53%)
angel says:
(im scared of brackets)

I found these pictures while searching "wings" on yahoo images. i have at least a month worth, I'll try to post one a day. Have fun.

A wonderful start which I like to call "scaling the male-thing"

NSFW/L (not safe for work/life)

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c186/vorpalswrd/treppe.jpg

(btw i still dont get cuts so i did it this way, hope that works)

on a side note its 3:50 a.m. and i totally just thought I took too many of my one kind of pill and I thought I was gonna have to stick my finger down my throat and lohan it up into the potty....i didn't...that is all